Things You'd Rather Hear From A Different Source

An ex girlfriend telling you she thought you were gay.

Your husband pointing out that your sister never wears a bra.

Your boss encouraging a wider consideration of career options.

Your kid making you realize that it's so easy having online aliases these days, Stackedforthat21.

A priest visiting your sickbed whispering to the family that he really wouldn't feel comfortable doing the eulogy.

"Do you know how fast you were going?" from a traffic cop whose wife left him that morning, her tail lights speeding away the last image of her he'll ever have.

"I read your book but I thought you were that funnier guy," from someone exiting your book signing line.

"I remember you now!" in church from some guy as you bend over to pick up your hymnal.

...and the band plays on...