Thursday, April 16, 2015

Six Short Graybles

Anybody who's watched Adventure Time knows that a grayble is a little story meant to heighten introspection and clarity. Thus:

As the GOP gets into full batshit mode for the presidential campaign, here are 6 Short Graybles to Reassure Politicians and Their Support Base That Gays Are Not the Issue:
1) Worried that they’ll locust all the available mates away from you? Overpopulation took care of that.
2) Worried they might try to seduce you? You’re not that attractive.
3) Sanctity of your marriage? Chill. “The homosexuals” make just as bad decisions as you. Divorce lawyers will not want for work.
4) You secretly want them to find you attractive but, so far, none have? It’s because you’re an asshole. A big one. And for you that counts as irony.
5) They’ll turn your kids gay? In the same fashion that you were turned heterosexual watching Bugs Bunny in a dress and later you fapped furiously to that memory, so too is the implicit gay agenda as effective at influencing the sexuality of unwary children everywhere.
6) Public displays of affection are between a person and their dog and that’s it! Now that, my friend, is something therapy might be able to help you with.