Friday, March 8, 2013

Sequester Deez

Obama’s second term feels uncomfortably like his first term. It’s like the déjà vu of that time when your underwear hiked and pinched during a big meeting and you couldn’t reach in and smooth that thing out. Click HERE and see if anything seems familiar to you.

While we wait, Eleven Ways To Generate Money For The U.S. Government:

We can already damn near defend ourselves against Godzilla, Klingons, Daleks, and Zombie Jeebus on a ghost rhino. Cut the defense budget in half. We’ve got this.

The government needs to become producers of some hellacious movie blockbusters. May I suggest at least one butt shot of Idris Elba and one full frontal of Sofia Vergara to seal the deal? CGI Komodo dragons growing 80 feet long. Cinematic gold. Billions worldwide. Many sequels.

All elected officials in the Senate, Congress and White House take 40 % pay cuts (or voluntarily give up their salaries if they’re feeling decent minded).

Barring that, put a Congressperson on every corner and teach them to say, “Got that weed.”

Porn. Look, we know there’s hot glory hole, intern, and filibuster action. Might as well monetize that sumbitch.

Constitutional amendment turning the budget over to 3 working mothers who’ll knock that shit out between lunch and making sure the homework was done correctly.

Two words: Promote peace. Social, economic, environmental, inter and national peace.

No more flag lapel pins unless whoever’s wearing it personally buys it.

Form a righteous band and tour. Certain states would pay good money to see Obama sing “I want you, but I want you to want me too..”

If you are an orange politician either give up tanning sessions or just eat Cheetos, ‘cause we know you’re expensing that shit.

Don’t raise taxes on the filthy rich. Bumrush the show.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Tag, You're Writ! -- The Next Big Thing Blog Hop

Author Ru Freeman invited me to play writer-tag. Read about Ru's newest book HERE (available mere months away) while I lace up my Chucks, and visit her blog at Below, my answers to the question "What Are You Working On, Writer Dude?"

1.What is your working title of your book? The Brothers Jetstream: Leviathan (originally 'The Brothers Jetstream: Afropuffs Are the Antennae of the Universe' -- Yeah. We'll put that one away and save it for the sequel...)

2. Where did the idea come from for the book? A long time ago, in the library of Wayne State University, a group of white students were talking, I have no idea about what, but it had the feel of Dungeons & Dragons. When I--a tallish black guy--approached their table they stopped as though a switch had been flipped. Not a lull, a complete and total stop. I immediately thought "secret enclave" and became the character Milo Jetstream, on a mission to destroy secret enclaves everywhere. It was a funny, goofy name befitting a ridiculous, goofy situation, and this funny, goofy name stuck with me through the years, decades really, even getting Milo a brother: Ramses Jetstream. Now, if you have two black brothers named Milo and Ramses Jetstream, there is absolutely no way they are not going to be adventurers against the status quo, and raconteurs of mystery.

3. What genre does your book fall under? Science fiction adventure. Buckaroo Banzai by way of Ralph Ellison.

4. Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition? Milo, Michael Jai White. Ramses, Idris Elba. But this blockbuster movie would work best with an unknown cast.

5. What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book? Adventurers fight to give truth and art one last stand.

6. Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency? There's publisher interest... but we know how that goes. Agents/Publishers, call a brother!

7. How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript? I started this between 2 other books that I wanted to self-publish to get a taste of what the whole Kindle/Nook bid was like, so it's been in the slow cooker on low for about 3 years. This year I kicked the temperature to high to complete the first draft.

8. What other books would you compare this story to within your genre? As mentioned, Buckaroo Banzai (but that was a movie), but book-wise: The Coyote Kings: Space-age Bachelor Pad.

9. Who or what inspired you to write this book? All the science fiction and adventure that told me to sit back while the daring white guy saved the world. The English Major in me said, 'Hey, I'm a daring guy... for a nerd. I'm sure there are some cooler, daring, black guys who could save the world.' Like to see them? Here they are!

10. What else about your book might pique the reader's interest? It features a beef with Bigfoot between the main characters. And there's a group of angels called The Battle Ready Bastards.


Friday, March 1, 2013

The Illusion of Wealth-fare

Money’s just not that into you. It’s time you realized that and stopped embarrassing yourself. The Capitalist Dream of ‘If you work hard enough it’ll come’—stop it. You’re better than that. 10 hours. 12 hours. 16 hours. What’s enough? Look at you. You’re always tired, always nervous, money never calls, you’re a wreck. The Capitalist Dream of corporate providers? Come on, really? I’ve seen what they do to you. They treat you like shit. Are you that desperate? Even the privately wealthy are just stringing you along. They can job-create a kiss under my ass. As your friend I have to be blunt: Money wants you to suck it off and then go home. That’s not what you want out of a relationship. No, for the love of god, money is NOT going to change. Seriously, what are you, 16 years old? Next you’ll say it’ll leave its spouse for you. Newsflash: Money screwed 700 billion people for the crumpled dollar in their pockets; how special do you feel now? Stop letting it use you, OK? It makes you beg for health care, wages; hell, basic freaking equity… and you’re going to defend it?! It’s a jerk! And if you’re not going to see that for yourself—No, don’t walk away. Don’t you dare. You’re going straight for a lottery ticket, I know you are. Seriously, hookers only benefit pimps. Yes, the lottery’s a hooker. Hell, while you’re at it why not go ahead and cut a platinum-selling album, or that novel that a million people are yearning to read. No, how about you get on Youtube, get famous for absolutely nothing, then sit back and let the offers roll in. When money puts you out of its house after letting you move in with it for a day, don’t come to me. Maybe SC Johnson will take you in. They’re a “family” company.