Monday, February 24, 2014

Ragnarok Over Due To Awesomeness Of Pam Grier

This from my Facebook page: There’s about to be about a hundred thousand photos of people with Pam Grier uploaded to Facebook following her appearance in Detroit this past weekend. This right ‘chere is the only one that matters. ‘Cause, dammit, I got to sit at the head table with Pam Grier. Let me say it again ‘cause you ain’t heard me: I walk up, my name gets called, I say, “Huh?” they say “You’re at the head table,” I say, “Whuh?” they say, “Welcome to Paradise, my brotha,” I say, “Don’t play with me!” they show me the shining path and the way. Head table, son, with Pam. Grier. Due to my quick ticket ordering prowess. Willy Wonka’s golden ticket? Might as well be to Chuck E. Cheese. So I’m still all wha-huh but my legs know enough to carry my doofy butt forward. I sit. The table is round. King Arthur up in this piece, mofos! Four other people with me. They’re cool. Pam’s not there yet. I don’t worry; my girl is always on it. I’m cool. Maybe ten minutes later, in walks Pam Grier. I’m not cool. No. But I don’t show that. Fringe jacket and a smile, she's wearing. Introduces herself to us. Touches my hand. They call that a hand shake but it’s a house quake. Pam sits. After a while it registers somewhere in my bellum that I’m having a conversation with Pam Grier. I’m sure I ascended to the next level of human evolution. Sorry for the blinding light.

Pam Grier is awesome. I’m talking about sexy Pam, adventurous Pam, funny Pam (especially her), compassionate Pam, genius Pam, raconteur Pam, honest Pam, down-to-earth Pam, and well-deserved icon status Pam. How many awesomes is that, 18? Pam Grier knows how to cast under a tree line to catch bass. 19. There is so little Hollywood in Pam Grier that California might as well cease to exist.

I ate dinner with Pam Grier tonight. Suck on that, young me who never thought anything cool would ever happen. Suck on that, Ragnarok. And above all, I hope she likes my book.

This from today. Let's talk about Celebrity: If I'm going to celebrate you, it's going to be for you. For the light inside you, for the mindfulness you bring to the table, for the essential humanity given and received. Not about the awards, not about the accolades, its 100% you. So to me Br. Ray Stadmeyer of a small, plucky parish in Detroit is a celebrity; the guys who organized a dog rescue in the city are celebrities; Pam Grier, who would be Pam Grier whether she'd done a single film or not, who'd have found a way, as she has, in this or any universe to be the bus lady for the kids with mobility issues she teaches to ride horses because on a horse everybody is motion, is a celebrity. Power to the people who lead authentic lives.

Here's a picture, and I'm out.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

They Can't Take Away...Your Freebie!

Glorious Revolutionaries, I am over at Goodreads with my cutoff shorts and my mesh muscle shirt. Head over there and get you some freebie love. One copy of the short story collection that just might turn the Zombie apocalypse into one of introspection and respect.


    Goodreads Book Giveaway


        Historical Inaccuracies by Zig Zag Claybourne



          Historical Inaccuracies

          by Zig Zag Claybourne


            Giveaway ends February 28, 2014.
            See the giveaway details
            at Goodreads.

      Enter to win

Sunday, February 9, 2014

How To Be Happy Blog

First, accept that it is still possible.

Next, negate the excuses. They aren’t in the way of your happiness. You are. Move your mind, body and actions to a different tile on the board. Delete the ulterior motives. You want to write? Read, study, and write, but do so without any desire for a blockbuster. That’s a heavy desire. Sucker looms. You want to become a nurse-type?  Meditate by getting in touch with your own body first. It’ll improve your empathy and healing touch a thousandfold, which will in turn make your entry into the field a blessing to those in your care. You want to smile but you ran out of Crest Whitestrips? Please.

This isn’t “Don’t worry, be happy.” Your idiot neighbors will still piss you off. Your job will crush juice droplets from your wee cajones. The weight of suffering in the world will crack strong spines. Happiness is not about denying that. It’s about realizing that that is not the ALL, whether the spiritual All or the practical. Your happiness is your fascination at being here coupled with the uniquely awesome things your consciousness contributes to the universe.

Me? Despite all my unhappiness I am quite happy. May you be equally blessed.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Vader Space

Since WINTER WON’T @#%*#ING GO AWAY it got me thinking about James Earl Jones in a long brunette wig (hotness; see Conan, Thulsa Doom), which lead to Jones’ voice, which led to Star Wars, which led to Darth Vader, which led to this staggering realization:

The only thing cool about Darth Vader was his voice.

It takes remarkably little time to break it down.

Pertinent Traits:

1)      Was a close-talker and finger pointer. Hate that kind of person.
2)      Pissy attitude when faced with a setback.
3)      Total toady to his boss.
4)      Picked on underlings after his superiors picked on him.
5)      Was a dick in board meetings.
6)      Swung on an old man who had clearly lowered his defenses.
7)      Hid behind religion as a cop-out on parental responsibility (“Sith don’t believe in child support. May I offer you some of our literature?”)
8)      Bounced off Death Star walls and was the idiot in the SUV sliding on ice.
9)      Got his Potato Head ass handed to him by the first kid who stood up to him… his son.
10)   Tried to pretend all the evil shit he’d done never happened with that Smiley Shiny Jedi Land schtick. Sith Lord, please!

Based on these alone it’s clear to me that Hayden Panettiere or Christensen or whoever the hell played him -- has been maligned as playing the nascent Vader as a vapid, whiny frat boy, when he actually nailed the character and deserves our apology.

If this winter has taught us nothing else, it’s that we are some sorry mofos. Hoth. Tauntaun 4 life.

Here, warm up.

Monday, February 3, 2014

Writers Gotta Get Read

I made it on a top ten list. Made the number one spot on a top ten list. About to say Hot Damn and treat myself to some chocolate-covered almonds.

No, wait.

Hot freaking damn.