I've got no particular beef with Israel. God's chosen people? Bullshit, that's crazy talk no matter who's trying to claim it. The whole "You can't exist," "No, YOU can't exist," Israeli-Palestinian tournament: dumb. Boom. Done. Bang the gavel, next order of business. How much saving face in the world does there have to be before one more death is too many? Is land holy? Last time I looked the heavenly glow of the vacant lots around me weren't replacing the broken street lamps. Land is land. You occupied it, means you were an aggressor. Am I pretending my country tis of me knows nothing of that? Hell no. United States of America was schizophrenic from the start. "All men are created equal...except for the indentured servants, slaves and women, and those folks who pretty much welcomed us here with open arms--yeah, sorry how that went down; oh, and the French, fuck the French, plus the English, fuck 'em all. Inalienable rights over here, bee-yotches!" Probably have to paraphrase that a little bit for teaching in grade school.
But Palestinian State? Boom, done. Palestinians, stop fucking killing Israelis. Israelis, stop fucking killing Palestinians. Both of y'all grow some vegetables and chill. Blinding light of the obvious, Palestine: Israel has the bomb and is crazy enough to nuke your ass. So y'all chill over here; they chill over there; anybody unchills the U.N. freezes both nations' twitter and Facebook accounts. Damn right I went there.
Yes, all over the world people act like assholes whether they've got a podium in front of them and a freshly pressed suit on their backs or are just sitting in front of a keyboard encapsulating an intractable conflict in 4 paragraphs or less. But I've heard the expression "Fake it till you make it." Is paradise for all just a simple matter of each of us waking up and saying "Today I will not be an asshole toward anyone else"? Today I will not lie. I will not kill. I will not cheat. I will not harm. I'll probably covet but only if he/she is sexy. I will not fail. I have already succeeded. I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me. (sorry, Rep. Al Franken)
Globally-thinking, if we could get Palestine and Israel to chill, the ripple would be huge. Bloods & Crips would say fuck the dumb shit and start building playgrounds together. Republicans & Democrats would tie their political careers to measurable results and would resign on their own honor if those results were not met. The word "peace" pretty much only applies to Christmas cards right now. But what if those two bloodied nations actually found peace, real peace, not brittle-marriage peace? We'd all be forced to realize that peace was possible and real. A tangible thing. Couldn't hide behind the shifting mirrors of irreconcilable differences anymore. Muslims versus Christians, you're fighting for the same damn thing, what the hell? God is good. Boom. Done.
There we go, y'all. Boom Done. Either in a good way...
Or not very good at all. Personally, I don't wanna ever have to say, "Waiter, there's a mushroom cloud in my soup."