Friday, October 7, 2011

Let Me Pull You Close And Get All Gravel-Voiced On You

I'm Zig Zag.

Not the same oomph as the Dark Knight, I'll give you that, but there it is, alter ego in the open and rather sinisterly proud. Zig Zag Claybourne: writer, lover and ne'er do well. Why a pen name when the number of people who've bought my books wouldn't be sufficient to lift a Kia off a trapped child? One, because the coolest pen name in the universe, Minister Faust, is taken; two, because Minister Faust himself bestowed this name; lastly, there's some old dead dude named Clarence Young who wrote "books for boys" back in the day. That is not me.

Me, I wrote these:

Buy them. Buy them a lot. Buy them because America needs jobs. When I'm rich enough to be considered a Job Creator I'll join the ranks of those saying, "Yeah, I got your job for you."

Do America proud for once in your Socialist-Emo life. In the pantheon of 3-word phrases ("Yes, we can!" "Pass this bill!" "Mission Accomplished") BUY THIS BOOK is the clearest and certainly most beneficial of easily-heeded directives.

But Zig Zag, you say--at which I swoon--purchasing an ebook is a huge committment--at which I punch you in the throat, but continue-- Time is limited, man is mortal, and there's a chance one of the Kardashians might be in a bikini.

I completely understand.

But I don't care.

(Job Creator material right there.)

Get ZZ or Zig Zag Claybourne in your lives. Reap the whirlwind. Taste the rainbow. Pop that coochie (the magic of 3's). The Glorious Revolution proceeds apace without a shot fired, without a punch thrown. I shall occupy your mind. They may zig but we will zag. The dance goes on forever. The Joker's laugh becomes a bit nervous.

Who are we?

We're Zig Zag. Now cue that moody dark music and reach for a wallet.

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