Saturday, March 3, 2012

The Avengers

There is cool, and then there is the Heavenly Host sitting in primo seats waiting for the lights to go down. Some folks don’t realize that all human evolution was designed to bring us to this point: an “Avengers” movie (Marvel Comics, not Ms. Peele), written by someone who can write, directed by someone who can direct, and crewed by people who get it.

Put on some Depends then watch this preview.

People misunderstand superhero comics. It ain’t about testosterone, tights n tits. It’s about possibilities. Fire up a kid’s imagination and you create a small god. Even as a kid I knew grown folks with superpowers beating each other to high hell was goofy. I didn’t read comics for the fights (well, sometimes; Hulk versus Thor was always good for leveling a few mountains, and Wolverine versus Wendigo: classic), I read comics for the What If factor of life. What if there was a being who consumed planetary energy for food? What if you had the Power Cosmic? What if a person could develop a cool armored suit and defend those who needed defending? Who would these people be on the inside, and how could they teach me to be me? Myths, my friends. Spiderman, Hulk, Batman, Valkyrie, Storm, Jean Gray, Moira McTaggert having to hunt her own son—these were the stories that fired the imagination. They created a small god.

Me. Hey there.

You’re able to read this via an astounding web because of small gods. You’re able to keep in touch with hundreds of people around the world while you’re at work because of small gods. You’re able to watch television at a bus stop, make love to your significant other without touching them, and travel at speeds faster than a speeding bullet because of small gods. Evolution rides on technology, be it genetic or mechanical. As kids, we left comic shops with brown bags full of wonder and we asked ourselves, ‘What if this was real?’ I would have pushed my brother in front of a bus just to see Spiderman swing down and save him. I would have died from the utter cool of it.

And the Avengers are the ultimate cool. The Avengers wasn’t the best comic. They couldn’t touch the X-Men for sheer power of story line. Didn’t have Spiderman’s universal appeal. What they had was star power. They were the cool kids all gathered at the cool table being cool as shit but cool about it. Not douche cool. Captain America. Iron Man. The Hulk. Thor. The Vision. The Wasp. Scarlet Witch. Their roster changed all the time, but just seeing Captain America, Iron Man and Thor in the same comic? Hellz yeah. And they all had each other’s backs. In a fight they were a well-oiled machine, playing off one another’s strengths. Watch that preview again, a little more glee pee won’t hurt you. The scene where the Hulk catches Iron Man before shell head plows into a building? That’s the Avengers. When Iron Man rounds another building and tells his team he’s bringing the party to them, while the Midgard Serpent is hot on his heels? You just know that there are some heroes about to do what needs be done no matter what. This movie looks like what my imagination used to conjure up back in the day. This movie just might be the first and last true superhero movie. This movie, my friends, is what the Mayans had circled on their calendar. When you go see it I’m sure there’ll be a few Mayans buying popcorn.

Save a seat for me at the back of the theater. I’ll be the kid grinning ear to ear.

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