Friday, March 1, 2013

The Illusion of Wealth-fare

Money’s just not that into you. It’s time you realized that and stopped embarrassing yourself. The Capitalist Dream of ‘If you work hard enough it’ll come’—stop it. You’re better than that. 10 hours. 12 hours. 16 hours. What’s enough? Look at you. You’re always tired, always nervous, money never calls, you’re a wreck. The Capitalist Dream of corporate providers? Come on, really? I’ve seen what they do to you. They treat you like shit. Are you that desperate? Even the privately wealthy are just stringing you along. They can job-create a kiss under my ass. As your friend I have to be blunt: Money wants you to suck it off and then go home. That’s not what you want out of a relationship. No, for the love of god, money is NOT going to change. Seriously, what are you, 16 years old? Next you’ll say it’ll leave its spouse for you. Newsflash: Money screwed 700 billion people for the crumpled dollar in their pockets; how special do you feel now? Stop letting it use you, OK? It makes you beg for health care, wages; hell, basic freaking equity… and you’re going to defend it?! It’s a jerk! And if you’re not going to see that for yourself—No, don’t walk away. Don’t you dare. You’re going straight for a lottery ticket, I know you are. Seriously, hookers only benefit pimps. Yes, the lottery’s a hooker. Hell, while you’re at it why not go ahead and cut a platinum-selling album, or that novel that a million people are yearning to read. No, how about you get on Youtube, get famous for absolutely nothing, then sit back and let the offers roll in. When money puts you out of its house after letting you move in with it for a day, don’t come to me. Maybe SC Johnson will take you in. They’re a “family” company.

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